


Insecurities

by gonefornow



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bottom Calum, Cake, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Top Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonefornow/pseuds/gonefornow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Luke and Calum have been together for a while now and Luke wants to take Calum out. Unfortunately, Calum isn’t ready to make their relationship public and it makes Luke insecure.</p><p>Based on prompt: Cake…? And they fight and then Calum makes it up to Luke ;) (submitted by JustBreatheSlowly on AO3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities

—

Calum is stunning in the aftermath of their love-making; he’s coming off the high of his orgasm. Those beautiful [chocolate](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#) eyes are unfocused as he stares up at Luke through dark, sooty lashes. [Tendrils](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#) of sweat-drenched black hair cling to his flushed face. His soft full mouth is swollen and [parted](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#), and Luke can’t stop himself from leaning down and having another taste.

It brings Calum back into the present; he wraps slender arms around Luke’s broad shoulders, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Luke [grinds](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110044723078/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-1#) his hip slowly even though he’s no longer hard. He just wants to remind Calum they’re still intimately connected. The movement causes Calum to grin against his mouth and he squeezes those [toned](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110044723078/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-1#) thighs around Luke’s waist, before letting them fall away.

"Let me take you out," Luke murmurs against Calum’s lips when he finally breaks the kiss. 

Bewildered [deep brown](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#) eyes stare up at him. “W-what?” Calum pants, still trying to catch his breath. 

Luke lifts Calum’s hand up to his lips and presses soft kisses against the calloused palm. He continues without pausing. “You’re so beautiful, Calum. I want to show you how to deserve to be treated, give you everything you’ve ever wanted. Show you off and let everyone know you’re mine.” He leans in again to steal another deep kiss.

This time, Calum doesn’t kiss him back. Instead, he’s got one hand pushing hard against Luke’s chest, trying to get him off. A part of Luke is tempted to hold Calum down; they both know Luke’s the stronger of the two and he’s got control. Over this situation at least. But he acquiesces and rolls over onto his back. 

An unhappy silence descends. It’s finally broken by the sound of rustling sheets as Calum turns over onto his side, facing him. “We both thought it was a good idea to keep this private for a while,” he says, running his fingers gently over Luke’s heart.

Oh right. This again.

Luke wants to remind him that wasn’t quite right. It was _Calum’s_ idea to keep their relationship private. After the long years Luke spent [pining](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110044723078/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-1#) for the [older boy](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110044723078/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-1#), he would be more than happy announcing to the world that Calum is finally his. But he sees the trepidation in those soft brown eyes if the subject of their relationship comes up even around Michael and Ashton. And he has [accepted](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#) that Calum needs time to adjust. After all, Luke had years to come to the terms with being in love with his _male_ best-friend. It’s all so much newer for Calum. 

Because Calum does love him.

And most of the time, Luke _feels_ loved. Calum puts an [incredible amount](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/private/109765472283/tumblr_nj3ef0eTpV1s32qww#) of faith in him to allow this at all. Much to his annoyance, Luke knows he is not the only man to have pursued Calum. All four of them get hit on by men; they’re in the [entertainment business](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110044723078/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-1#) after all and there are plenty of unscrupulous types around. But Calum seems to get more than his fair-share. It’s probably a combination of his pretty face and don’t-give-a-fuck sass that makes other men want him. Even Ashton’s made a pass at him; Luke is pretty sure that was more the result of alcohol than actual attraction. Either way, he watched gleefully as Ashton was summarily rejected. It made Calum’s acceptance of his own drunken confession a few weeks later even more gratifying. Luke’s the only one who has been allowed to experience this and he knows he should try to be patient and not push Calum out of his comfort zone.

But they’ve been lovers for four months now and every time another man touches Calum or even looks at him for too long, Luke wants to rip the intruder’s arm off and beat him with it. The insecurity is irrational and unattractive, especially because Calum has given him no reason to doubt his faithfulness. He would probably run screaming for the woods if he understood the depth of Luke’s jealousy.

So Luke knows he should drop the subject now. But he can’t stop himself. “Why don’t you want people to know about us?” Oh no. There’s that ugly bitterness in his voice. Definitely not attractive. He expects Calum to turn away and ignore his question; but what he does is so much worse.

"Hah… come on, Lukey," Calum laughs, a forced grin stretching his pretty lips wide. "Why would want to be seen with me anyway? I’m crusty most of time." He sniffs his armpit and scrunches up his face.

"So that’s what you’re going to do?" Luke asks, not bothering to hide the bitterness creeping in anymore. He’s the one to turn away, shifting to lay on his side so his back faces Calum. "Try to joke away my feelings?"

Calum sighs and shifts closer, wrapping his arms around Luke’s waist and pressing his face in between Luke’s shoulder-blades. “I’m not trying to make fun of you, babe. But I’m not ready…” He lets the thought hang unfinished. 

He wants to ask what _exactly_ Calum isn’t ready for. He is certainly ready to let Luke fuck him every night. So is he not ready to reveal that he’s in a relationship with a man or is he not ready to reveal he’s in a relationship with _Luke_? Knowing he might not like the answer, he simply pulls the cover over his head. 

"Okay. Let’s go to sleep," he mutters into his pillow. The blissful feeling of their love-making is gone now. 

Calum sighs deeply. “Fine,” he answers and Luke feels him shift away to the other side of the bed.

Luke lies awake for a long time. He can’t help feeling inadequate.

\--

Calum glances between the pasta warming in the oven and the wall clock. It’s already quarter past 10 and there is no sign of Luke. Maybe he went out partying with Ash and Michael after their recording session. But he knows that’s not right; he specifically asked the other two to make sure Luke came straight home _alone_ when they were done with work. They griped and groused about relationship-drama tearing the band apart. But in the end, they agreed to make themselves [scarce](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) for the evening so Calum would have a chance to [work things](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) out with Luke in private.

His mind conjures up reasons for Luke’s delay. Did the recording session go badly? Did they get held up by fans? Or more scarily, has there been an accident? He doubts it. [Management](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) would call him if anything happened. So he comes to the inevitable conclusion: Luke’s figured out that Calum is waiting for him and he simply doesn’t want to see him.

Calum thinks back on the past three days. Luke has been frigid since that night when Calum turned him down. He knows he was callous, joking around when it was obvious that keeping their relationship private really bothered the younger boy. But he wasn’t _trying_ to be cruel; Luke had sprung the topic up out of the blue and he had panicked! 

Of course it was his own stupidity for not anticipating the conversation. For weeks before, Luke had been dropping hints that he was tired of hiding their relationship. Calum often found one of Luke’s hands pressed against the small of his back when they were out in public, a subtle but possessive gesture that raised a few eyebrows. And he had tried to [play](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) it off as the easy friendship they’ve always shared. He’d cringed when he saw the hurt in Luke’s eyes; but the younger boy hadn’t verbalized anything and Calum had allowed himself to be lulled into [pretending](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) that their relationship could carry on in secret indefinitely. 

Dumb. He should’ve been more prepared.

He has tried everything to make it up to Luke, even offered to be fucked in front of a mirror, in spite of his own discomfort with the idea. Luke asked to try it for a while and Calum thought agreeing would be enough to win him back. But his lover just shrugged him off and moved on. In fact, Luke hasn’t touched Calum at all since that night. 

Calum can’t stop the insecurity from wiggling into his brain. Maybe Luke doesn’t want him anymore. After all, even though he’s the youngest, he’s always been the most popular out of the band with the most fan girls trying for his attention. He’s talented and tall. And he’s got those [amazing blue eyes](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/110099940163/cake-fic-jealousy-insecurity-part-2#) that makes Calum melt. Next to him, Calum is an ordinary guy. And somehow, Luke fell for him. He still doesn’t quite know why. Now Calum has screwed things up and it doesn’t even look like he will have a chance to try and fix it.

The clock chimes 10:30PM. Still no sign of Luke.

He tries to convince himself it’s all for the best. He never _wanted_ to be in a relationship with another man, anyway. Luke was so drunk the first time he kissed Calum. Sure, the younger boy promised he’s loved with Calum since they were  seventeen. But that was in the heat of the moment, when he was buried deep inside Calum’s body. Maybe now that they’ve been intimate, Luke has realized it was just lust. It’s not like he would be the first guy who wanted sex with Calum. But he _is_ the only one Calum’s ever wanted back. 

He feels stupider now for opening himself up to all this emotional bull.

The sound of keys turning in the lock startles Calum out of his thoughts. In spite of all his worry, his heart takes a leap. He checks his reflection out in the mirror and fixes his bangs. Luke’s sweater hangs off his shoulders; Calum chose it specifically because he knows the younger boy likes seeing him in his clothes. 

A few moments pass and Calum wonders why Luke is still outside. Maybe he’s changed his mind and left…?

"Calum?" Luke calls from outside the door. "Can you please open the door? You’ve got the chain-lock up."

Oh right. He tries to push down his nerves as he crosses the short distance to their front door and slides open the lock. 

Luke is standing outside, dressed in that leather jacket Calum secretly loves to bury his face in because it smells so much like his lover. His quiff is wilting, and his eyes look exhausted. He hasn’t been sleeping well. 

They linger in the doorway for a few awkward seconds; Luke is staring at him expectantly, as if he knows everything Calum’s been thinking and is waiting for him to verbalize it. But Calum’s tongue feels tied and he can’t even manage to get out a greeting. 

Exasperated, Luke walks inside and stands staring at him in the foyer. “Ash said you wanted to talk.” Luke’s voice sounds as exhausted as his eyes looked. It’s obvious he’s not looking forward to this.

For a brief second, Calum is annoyed that Ash would have mentioned anything to Luke at all. But he forces himself to focus on the situation at hand. He’s not prepared to answer Luke straight away though so he walks into the kitchen and pulls out the simple pasta and alfredo-sauce dish from the oven. It looks a bit dry now, but Calum had planned to serve it more than an hour ago. At least it’s still warm. Luke follows him. Calum carefully avoids his eyes as he sets the dish on the table and lights the candles in the middle. 

"I cooked you dinner," he says softly when he’s done. 

Luke stares at the table, set with matching plates, candlelight, and a rose in the center, confused. “Why?” He asks.

Calum takes a deep breath. “To say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made a joke.” There’s no point beating around the bush. Anyway, Calum’s always been one to approach things head-on. 

Luke raises an eyebrow and doesn’t move. Calum wonders if the younger boy really _is_ tired of him now and if he’s put himself out there to be mercilessly stomped on. 

"So you’re apologizing for making a joke. But you’re not apologizing for treating me like a dirty little secret?" Luke clarifies.

Calum can barely stop himself from seething. He forgets all about the dining table he’s worked so hard on and walks angrily up to Luke. “What are you talking about?! I _never_ treated you like that!”

"No?" Luke asks, raising that eyebrow even further. Calum absently wonders if it’s going to disappear into his hairline. "Why don’t you let me take you out then? Why do you still snap-chat with your old groupies? Why do you push me away if Ashton or Michael walk in the room? It’s not like they don’t _know_ we’re together.” He makes no move to reach for Calum, instead crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive stance as if he’s worried about the answer he’s about to get.

A little bit of Calum’s anger ebbs away. He shifts uncomfortably on his feet and looks down at his toes. “That’s not about you,” he mumbles.

"Really?" Disbelief is obvious in Luke’s tone. "You let me fuck you every night. But you won’t acknowledge me in public as anything other than a good friend. And that’s not about me?" He shifts a little further away from Calum, but doesn’t make any move to walk away quite yet. 

There is a big lump in Calum’s throat. The plans he had for a beautiful apology, followed by a cozy dinner, and some great make-up sex have vanished from his mind. He desperately grasps for something that might salvage this situation. And the truth is all he’s got. 

"It’s not about you," he says, determined brown eyes fixed on the floor. He can’t bear to look his lover in the eyes right now. "It’s about me. I never thought I’d end up in a relationship with another guy. Not even you, although I think I might’ve loved you forever. And I _enjoy_ it.” He takes a sharp intake of breath. Of course they both already know this. Calum is always so willing and responsive when Luke touches him. But it’s the first time he’s admitted it out loud and that makes everything so much more real. 

Evidently, Luke is affected by his words because Calum feels one of this broad hands tilting up his chin so he’s staring into hurt blue eyes. 

"Is it really so bad to like being with me, baby?" Luke asks gently.

Frustration is coiling in Calum’s stomach. “You don’t get it!” He shakes his chin out of Luke’s hand. “I always thought I was straight. Then I find out it just takes the right dude and some alcohol and I’m ready to let you have me in whatever way you want? Do you know what that does for my self-esteem?! I don’t want anyone to see how you make me feel!”

Luke’s eyes soften and Calum swallows. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t know it was so hard for you.” He pauses for a second and Calum can sense he’s gathering up courage. “Do you want to try topping?” he asks, wrapping long arms around Calum’s lithe frame.

Calum is touched as he burrows deeper into the warm embrace and buries his face in Luke’s throat, breathing in that intoxicating combination of leather and Luke’s own scent. “You’d let me?” He asks, surprised. Luke has never shown signs of wanting to bottom. The gentle sweep of Luke’s lips across his forehead makes him sigh. He has missed this.

"I’m not particularly excited about it. But if that’s what it takes for you to feel better, then yeah," Luke replies.

Calum’s voice is small and he feels a hint of shame. But he pushes it down and forces himself to trust Luke. “Don’t think that would help,” he admits. “At least not right now although I’d like to keep it on the table as an option for someday.”

"Okay. So what do you want? How can we make this easier for you?" Luke asks.

For a few long moments, only silence fills the air. “If it’s really too much and you can’t wait anymore, we can post our status on twitter tonight. Or announce it in an interview tomorrow. Whatever you want. I’d do anything not to lose you. But if you can handle waiting just a little longer, I would be so much happier.” Trepidation fills Calum’s voice. He’s essentially asking Luke to go back to Square-One. He flinches a little as Luke’s arms tense around him. 

Damn it! He knew it was mistake. Luke is going to leave him now.

"I don’t like it, Calum," Luke says finally. "I hate watching strangers touch you, flirt with you. I want them to know you’re mine. But if time is what you need, I am willing to wait. Just please don’t deny me around our friends. They already know and when you push me away in front of them, it makes me feel like you’re ashamed to be with me."

Calum lifts his head from the crook of Luke’s neck and meets his eyes. “You’ve got a deal.” He smiles and leans across the short distance to press his mouth against Luke’s. “It won’t be forever. I promise.”

—-

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

They’re on the red carpet for another awards ceremony and this interview is going long. Again. 

Calum looks over at Luke. His lover is so handsome right now, in his black dinner jacket, printed t-shirt, and skinny jeans combination. Nikki did a great job with his hair; his quiff stands tall and proud and he’s absently biting into lip ring like an innocent. That bastard. As if he doesn’t know it drives Calum crazy.

"Calum?" The interviewer waves a microphone in front of his face. "Calum?" She asks again.

Immediately, he snaps back to attention, feeling a little warmer at having been caught staring so brazenly at Luke. “Umm… yea… I think it’s great,” he says, hoping it answers whatever question the interviewer just asked. 

The woman stares at him open-mouthed. Ashton and Michael burst out laughing and Luke’s got the most satisfied smirk on his face. Okay. So obviously not the right answer.

"Our twitter fans will be very happy to know you think Cake fan-fiction is great." She sounds flabbergasted as she slowly clarifies her question, obviously aware that she’s caught him sleeping during the interview. 

Calum blanches. “Oh um…,” he stumbles on his words, and glances between Ashton and Michael, who’re barely able to hold it together. Then he turns to stare at Luke and sees the resigned look in those blue eyes.  His lover will go along with whatever he does, obviously expects him to deny it, or make a disgusted face, or play it off as a joke. He thinks about the last six months. Luke has not tried to touch him in public, is careful not to leave visible hickeys on his skin (although he marks him plenty where it can’t be seen), and has patiently waited for Calum to adjust to their new relationship. 

It’s a bit of a shock to both of them when he slides his fingers into Luke’s and steps closer until he’s pressed into his lover’s side. He blocks out the shocked gasps from the interviewer and Ashton and Michael, and ignores the chaos happening around them on the red carpet, all the flashing bulbs that catch every second as he lifts Luke’s hand up to his lips. 

"Yea, I think Cake is great," he murmurs, staring into Luke’s eyes.

\--

Come check out my tumblr [here](http://flameretardant123.tumblr.com/post/108562181103/hello-to-new-followers-helping-you-sort-through)!

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: flameretardant123  
> twitter: flame5656


End file.
